Joke thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Windy, Mar 23, 2014.

  1. Windy

    Windy Moderator Supporter

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    Okay. I'm kind of in a bad mood. Go ahead and make me laugh so I can get rid of this funk I'm in.

    I'll start with my very favorite joke. It's so stupid but it makes me laugh every time.

    So, a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says to him, "Why the long face?"

    [​IMG]
     
  2. Pancho_Villa

    Pancho_Villa Supporting Member Supporter

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  3. scbuxton

    scbuxton New Member

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    An illegal immigrant, a communist and a Muslim walk in to a bar.... The bartender says " hello Mr. PRESIDENT"!
     
  4. Ajole

    Ajole New Member

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    A priest, a rabbi, and a horse walk into a bar.

    The bartender says, "What kinda joke is this?":mad:




    Two blonds walk into a bar. The redhead ducks.



    Silly Sally was sitting on a porch and saw Billy walk towards the street to pick up a quarter. As Billy bent over to pick up the quarter, a school bus came by and ran him over, killing him. Silly Sally laughed and laughed and laughed because she knew it was only a nickel.


    Silly Sally's grandma yelled for her to get down from a tree after church because she said the boys were looking at her underwear under her dress. Silly Sally just laughed because she didn't have any underwear on.



    The teacher was teaching about the Virgin Islands. Silly Sally just laughed and laughed, because she knew the Marines had already been there.
     
  5. Ajole

    Ajole New Member

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    silly sally came home one day,her mom said oh your daddy is goin to be madddd at you because your burned the barn! silly sally just laughed and laughed because she knew her daddy was in that barn!

    Silly Sally walked into the barn one day and saw a bunch of flies a top a pile of cow p**p. Silly Sally just laughed and laughed and laughed. Silly Sally just knew them flies couldn't p**p that much.

    Silly Sally was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"
    And Sally just laughed and laughed, because she knew the shark was never going to help that man!

    Mary Jane was walking down the street when a man pulled her into a dark alley and started ripping off all her clothes.
    And Mary Jane laughed and laughed, because she knew her clothes wouldn't fit him.

    Mary Jane was at the movies with her boyfriend. He put his hand up her skirt.
    And Mary Jane laughed and laughed, because she knew her money was in her shoe.

    Mary Jane pushed her brother into the pool. Her mother said, "You know your brother can't swim!"
    And Mary Jane laughed and laughed, because she knew there wasn't any water in that pool.
     
  6. glock26USMC

    glock26USMC Administrator Supporter

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    YOU KNOW YOUR CLIENT BETTER THAN I DO
    A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

    So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

    When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

    The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an *******!"

    Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

    On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks, "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

    The Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

    The Lawyer questions, "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

    "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH" underlined."

    "And what does the "AH" stand for, Officer?"

    "Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

    "Aggressive and hostile?"

    "Yes, Sir.

    "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for *******?"

    Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.
     
  7. SHOOTER13

    SHOOTER13 RETIRED MODERATOR Lifetime Supporter

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    SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE

    ...It takes less than 15 seconds...


    If you are over 55 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test . How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks ?


    1. _ _NDOM

    2. F_ _K

    3. P_N_S

    4. PU_S_

    5. S_X

    6. BOO_S






    Answers:

    1. RANDOM
    2. FORK
    3. PANTS
    4. PULSE
    5. SIX
    6. BOOKS

    You got all 6 wrong...didn't you?

    Good news:
    You do NOT have Alzheimer's.

    Bad news:
    You ARE a pervert. No cure for that either.
     
  8. phideaux

    phideaux Supporting Member Supporter

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    cute little guy...

    minnion fart.jpg


    Jim